Talking To A Girl
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your
haircut, youíd look alright." I said, "If I did that, Iíd be
talking to your friends over there instead of you."
At The Pharmacy
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box
of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at
the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know
what these are used for? "Not exactly," the boy says. "But
they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four. We
saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim
and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an
oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse
appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he
mumbled from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He
struggles to ask again, "nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly
pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
manhood in one hand and his testicles in the otherShe looks
very closely and says, "donít worry, sir. They look fine."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says
very slowly, "thank you very much. That was wonderful, but,
listen very, very closely: are my test results back?"
Old Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by
mistake. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar
immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are
blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is
a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a
blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman
with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me
is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to
your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think
about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and
mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five
A girls puts an ad online requesting a man who won't hit her
or leave her and is a great lover.
A few days later her doorbell rings and she finds a man with
no arms and no legs.
He says to her, "I have no arms, so I can't hit you, and I
have no legs, so I can't run."
She responds, "But the last part..."
He grins and says, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Man With A Tiny Head
A boy is sitting on a park bench when he sees a man with a
strangely tiny head walking his way. The boy asks, "Sir, why
do you have such a little head?" The man answers with a
story, "One day when I was younger, I was fishing at the end
of the dock and I got a huge bite. To my surprise, when I
pulled in my catch it was a beautiful mermaid, and she told
me she would give me anything I asked for it I let her go
What did one saggy boob say to the
other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone
thinks we're nuts!"
Two girls are drinking at a bar. One says, "If I have
another drink, Iím going to feel it."
The friend replies, "If I have another, I donít care who
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and
thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here
isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."