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50 Best Funniest Jokes 5



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Talking To A Girl
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, youíd look alright." I said, "If I did that, Iíd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

At The Pharmacy
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replies. The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for? "Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

Hospital Patient
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbled from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the otherShe looks very closely and says, "donít worry, sir. They look fine." The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely: are my test results back?"

Old Blind Cowboy
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Personal Ad
A girls puts an ad online requesting a man who won't hit her or leave her and is a great lover.
A few days later her doorbell rings and she finds a man with no arms and no legs.
He says to her, "I have no arms, so I can't hit you, and I have no legs, so I can't run."
She responds, "But the last part..."
He grins and says, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Man With A Tiny Head
A boy is sitting on a park bench when he sees a man with a strangely tiny head walking his way. The boy asks, "Sir, why do you have such a little head?" The man answers with a story, "One day when I was younger, I was fishing at the end of the dock and I got a huge bite. To my surprise, when I pulled in my catch it was a beautiful mermaid, and she told me she would give me anything I asked for it I let her go free..."



What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

Two girls are drinking at a bar. One says, "If I have another drink, Iím going to feel it."
The friend replies, "If I have another, I donít care who feels it."

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."



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