Q: Which sexual position
produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother!
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman
Q: How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A: Very satisfying.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and
A: 45 lbs.
Q: Why dont blind men skydive?
A: Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog
Married 3 Times
A couple just got married and on the night of their
honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the
husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The
husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've
been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well,
my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do
was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all
he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband
was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms,
so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the
guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid
dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up,
and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy
in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I
Pack Your Bags
A man comes home to find his wife with her luggage packed in
the living room. "Where the hell do you think youíre going?"
he says. "Iím going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a
blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn
money for what I do to you free!" The man thinks for a
moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his luggage
packed as well. "Where do you think youíre going?" the wife
asks. "Iím coming with you! I want to see how you survive on
$800 a year!"
When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures
of why I should always wear a condom. Funny thing is, they
were all just pictures of me.
Man And A Duck
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig
I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."