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Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!

Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.

Mother, Daughter
A mother walks into her daughter’s room with a condom in her hand, "I found this while cleaning your drawers today. Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies, "No, I just lay there."

Absolutely Anything
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special offer for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly, "Paint my house."

Sexual Statistics
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.

Dark Forest
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Crude Spelling
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.



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