A couple is shopping in the mall for hours. The wife turns
to talk to her husband and realizes heís nowhere in sight.
Angry, she calls his cell phone and asks where he
disappeared to. "Honey," he says, "remember that jewelry
store we walked by a few years ago, and you loved the gold
locket in the window but we couldnít afford it, so I told
you I would buy it for you one day?" Choked up, the wife
replies, "Yes, how could I ≠forget?" Her husband goes on,
"Well, Iím at the bar next door to it if you need me."
Trapped On An Island
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all
trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles
away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore
she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24
miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got
tired, and swam back.
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went
to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are
getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That
same day the man went to the store and bought himself a
starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two
were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The
man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how it
went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol,
my wife pooped on my face, bit three inches off my penis,
and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the
Going To A Party
A man wearing a stove-pipe hat, a fake beard, and a
waistcoat orders a drink at a bar. "Goin' to a party?" the
bartender asks. "Yeah," the man replies. "I'm supposed to go
dressed as my love life." "So why are you dressed as Abe
Lincoln?" "My last four scores were seven years ago."
Up On A Roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is
asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is
white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for
all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican
walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my
people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black
guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This
is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon
in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'
Q: How do Chinese people name
A: They throw them down the stairs to see what noise
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Q: Did you ever date a midget?
A: Yes, I was just nuts over her.
Q: What do dolphins have that no other mammals have?
A: Baby dolphins.