A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so
she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didnít
think anyone would stand up so she asked him, "Why did you
stand up?" He answered, "I didnít want to leave you standing
up by yourself."
How People Were Born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his
father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies
became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then
went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told
him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are
now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied
to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about
her side of the family."
Two women are riding bikes to a friendís house when it
starts to get dark. "Iíve never come this way before," says
one of the women. "Me neither," says the other woman. "I
think itís the cobblestones."
Married man Don is talking to his single pal Ryan about
settling down, confiding, "Itís nice to come home to someone
who's happy to see you." "Thatís what my dog is for," Ryan
replies. "Not the same thing." Don scoffs. "Oh ,yeah?" says
Ryan. "Just lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your
car and see who's still happy to see you when you let them
out an hour later."
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks
sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says,
"Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says,
"No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the
teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream
parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice
cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is
married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream."
Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like
how you're thinking!"
Q: What has 100 balls and screws
Q: How do you cure bedwetting?
A: With an electric blanket.
Q: How many perverts does it take to screw in a light
A: Just one, but it takes a surgical team to get it
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What's the best thing about having an emo lawn?
A: You never have to mow-it cuts itself.