I want to see a pregnancy test
commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of
each other because it's negative.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a
gift that will take her breath away. I'm thinking about
getting her a treadmill.
Iím still waiting for the day that I will actually use
x≤ + y +8 [(x + 2y ≤
= a-z] + 2x ≥ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ≥= k in
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not
to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with
Women donít go crazy, they are crazy. They just 'go normal'
from time to time.
You and I are best of friends. Always remember I will pick
you up if you fall. Right after I stop laughing.
While the optimist and pessimist argue over the glass of
water, the opportunist sneaks in and drinks it.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee
in the shower and liars.
Oh you got 'Swag?' I bet that looks great on your
application to McDonaldís.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
"This isn't my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I could never stab someone, I have a hard enough time
getting the straw into a Capri Sun.
Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, "If you fall
asleep at work again you're fired"
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same
socks for a week
Why do people in Horror Movies yell out "Hello?" as if the
killer is gonna say "yeah, Iím in the kitchen, want a