I don't understand those couples that
fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status
to 'Single.' I fight with my parents but you don't see me
change my status to 'Orphan.'
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with
grammar you will get it.
There's a thin line between "I should do a status update
about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
If you have someone following you that is ugly, they are a
stalker. If the person is hot, they are your secret admirer.
Iím cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me
look more badass
Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it
You wanna cry? Try using a tissue, it works much better than
your Facebook status.
Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, youíll
look back and realize that they were actually big things.
I wont block you or delete you. I'm keeping you there so you
will be able to see how happy I am without you.
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use
three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep
that's how you wash a cup.
If 'dress for the job you want' were true, there would be a
lot more people wearing capes.
Have you ever even watched MTV Cribs? Iím pretty sure we can
keep downloading music without paying for it.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the
quality of your misery
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am,
luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums.
Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a
Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like
graffiti on a highway bridge, how the Hell did that get
Haters are like crickets. Crickets make a lot of noise, you
hear it but you canít see them. Then right when you walk by
them, theyíre quiet.