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There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.

That awkward moment when you change your facebook status to 'single' and your ex likes it.

LIKE if you always dreamed of being slimed on Nickelodeon.

That awkward moment when nobody likes your Facebook status.

Oh, it's sunny outside. I better update my Facebook status for all of my friends that don't have windows.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship

Wife: Honey, I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio

I donít know what Iíd do without Facebook. Probably my work

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!

This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.

I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come.

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday 35% Thursday 4% Friday

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking, because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem.

According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isnít what I thought it was.

In a few years priests will say, 'You may now change your relationship status to husband and wife.'

The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. - Oprah

A lot of beautiful people are stupid. Thereís a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. Itís frightening.


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