10 Inch BIC
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He
asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I
do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy
replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks
"Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make
sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at
hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a
genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says "
I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to
his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over
head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks
at hearing doesnt he?" The other man replies "I know, do you
really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a
dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the
most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised but gives the
boy his ho. After the boy does his deed, the pimp asks why
he wanted the ho with all the venerial diseases. The boy
answers: When I go home, I will get a babysitter while my
parents go out to eat and Iíll fuck her. When my parents get
home, my dad will drive the sitter home and screw her in the
car. Tonight, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad
leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman, AND THAT THE
SON Of A BITCH WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, No,
but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw
in one night.
Q: Why was the suicide bomber disappointed when he met his
A: He blew off his penis.
5 Pound Balls
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten
pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five
pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and
even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put
him into a mental institution."
''Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The
boy is obviously half nuts."
Old Man And A Donkey
There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female
donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He
doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to
spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest
room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey.
The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the
donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take
good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the
door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of
food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin
anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the
floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and
asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand
dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for
sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''
Kid Named Bubba
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the
kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes
in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at
how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and
asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed
with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It
works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided
to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with
his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times
on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that
Tommy Down The Street
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling,
"Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she
asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The
little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five
dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is
just trying to see your panties."
''OOhhh'' said the little girl. The
next day the little girl came running into the house
yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where
did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied,
"Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a
cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The
mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before
the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy.
I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
No Arms Or Legs
A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach weeping.
A guy walks by and asks her what''s wrong. She says, "I''ve
never been kissed before." The man feels sorry for her and
gives her a long passionate kiss and starts to walk away. As
he''s walking he hears her start crying again so he goes
back and asks her what''s wrong now. She says, "I''ve never
had sex before."
The man sweeps her up in his arms, looks into her eyes, and
tosses her into the water yelling, "You''re screwed now!!"
A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend,
when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers. After
hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he
won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you.''