Goblin In The Garden
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when
she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me
three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me
fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops
and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live
in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again
thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've
got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The
goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes
come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then,
if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in
There are four kinds of sex
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over
the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you
only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years
you just pass each other in the hall and say "F*CK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer f*ck you in
the divorce court in front of many people for every penny
In The Shower
My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when
you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.
Naked Woman In The Forest
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see
a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other
chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The
other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women I'd turn
to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
In The Bathtub
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having
a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!
A New Password
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for
their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife
falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,
"Error. Not long enough."
Hippie And A Nun
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight
forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have
sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry.
When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver
asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the
street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?"
"well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top
of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell
her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie
replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a
ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie
pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and
I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well...
ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the
nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away
and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said
"Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps
up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want
to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on
this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron
If you woke up one day with two balls, you're a man.
If you woke up with three balls, you're the ultimate man.
If you woke up with four balls, Run, someone's f*cking you.
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.
Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They
explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later
asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained
that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger
in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked
what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little
Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and
bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't
wait to f**k the turkey!"