Q: What do you call sad coffee?
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Q: Why did tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh!
Q: How do you change a pumpkin into another
A: You throw it up in the air and it comes down
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!
A Terrible Drink
A man's wife was complaining to their friends about her
husband who was spending all his free time in the bar. So
this one night he decided to invite her along to the bar
with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know.
The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband
ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one
shot. His wife watched in amazement, then took a sip from
her glass. She immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's
TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "How you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," said the husband. "And you think I'm
out here enjoying myself every night!"
Strange Dog Names
At the dog park, this elderly lady had two rather large
Rottweiler dogs. On being asked the dogs' names by another
park visitor she replied "One is called Timex and the other
Rolex." Wow, Them's some strange names for dogs the visitor
replied. Oh no, the elderly lady dog owner replied "Them's
A guy got on a bus one day and sat down in an aisle seat
beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't
control himself and let loose a big noisy fart. Well very
embarrassed, he tried to strike up a conversation with the
lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's
paper?" The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next
time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves.
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she
was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl
standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the
rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl
said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed
the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching
again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman
suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then
asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the
little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to
get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks
for a doberman. The employee said, "If its a guard dog you
want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back
of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little
poodle. Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're
kidding, right?" The employee says, "No, this dog is
special; he knows karate." "Karate? I don't believe it,"
Harold says. The employee puts the dog down and says,
"Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog
food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is
amazed at this. The employee then says, "Karate the chair."
And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and
rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced. "I'll
take him," he says. When he gets home he surprises his wife
and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way."
Harold says, "But this dog knows karate." "Karate," she
yells. "Karate my butt!"