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Q: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
A: It gets toad away.

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.



A Special Drink
One doctor always stopped at a local bar after work for a hazelnut daiquiri - a special drink the bartender created just for him. One day, the bartender ran out of hazelnut flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead.
The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, 'This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!'
'No, I'm sorry', replied the bartender, 'it's a hickory daiquiri, doc.

Two Atoms
Two atoms were walking down the sidewalk and suddenly one slips off the curb and says "Oh no, I've lost my electron!"
The other atom says "Are you sure?"
1st atom says "Yes, I'm positive!"

Old Man Speeding
A senior citizen picked up his brand new Corvette convertible and drove out of the car dealership. As he is going down the road, he decides to floor it up to 80 mph, enjoying the wind passing through the little hair he had. "Amazing," he felt as he flew down the I-90, he jams the pedal down even more as he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees a state trooper right behind him, lights a flashing and siren a blaring. So he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 .. suddenly he thought, "What am I doing I'm too old for this!" and pulls over to await the trooper's arrival. The trooper pulling in behind him, walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me one good reason for your speeding that I've never heard of before, I'll let you go on your way." Well the senior citizen paused. Then explained that "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back to me!" "Very well! Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

Let Me Speak
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Redneck Vacation
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning." "But, madam!", replied the bellman. "Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager." "Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"



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