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Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
A: He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
A: Because she couldn't control her pupils?

Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha

Q: Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much?
A: Because he is an erascist.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.


High Tech Grocery Store
A new super high tech grocery store recently opened in Orlando, Florida. It has the standard automatic water misters to keep the produce fresh, but just before it mists, one hears the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When one passes the diary freezer, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh mown hay. Going in the meat department one can smell the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and barbecued ribs. When you pass the fresh eggs case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of morning eggs and bacon. In the bread department, a tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and soft warm rolls. But I don't buy my toilet paper there any more.

Innocent Whisper
A mother took her little boy to church.
While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’." The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."

Married To A Jerk
While reading a newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was noted for his IQ. "I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."

Cheeseburger and Fries
Guy in a library walks up to the librarian and says, "I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please." Librarian responds, "Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?" Guy says, "Oh, sorry. [in a whisper] I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please."

Eating Bugs
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?"
"That’s disgusting, don’t talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"
"Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."



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